1. Other than my father the Reverend, I think I got my moral compass from the end of episodes of GI Joe.
2. A tattoo on the base of your back is a call for help, most likely to be answered by horny dudes.
3. Occasionally gravity takes a few plays off.
4. If you're really really smart, you should make it a point to do something really really stupid.
5. Even the dali lama hates Kathy Griffin
6. Magic Johnson beat AIDS
7. When you make chicken as finger licking good as KFC I honestly don't care what you do to the chickens.
8. It should take you no more than 64 licks to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie roll tootsie pop.
9. None of you have the patience to test that last one, you'll bite in by lick 37.
10. Who cares blow pops are better.
11. The "Fall Guy" had the greatest theme song ever, God bless you Lee Majors.
12. A sense of humor is NOT the biggest turn on for women.
13. When a girl gives me the middle finger, she's trying to pick me up
14. Bachelor Parties should be held in Vegas.
15. There's no time like the present, to procrastinate.
16. 14 year olds shouldn't dress like whores, it gets peoples hopes up.
17. That last one was true, but it made me sound like a creep.
18. Eating an apple a day has absolutely no barring on whether or not you'll go see a doctor.
19. We look forward to fridays with the same intensity as we looked forward to christmas when we were little.
20. God was just screwing around when he made the platypus.
21. He was just showing off when he made Jessica Alba.
22. She would totally date me if I looked totally different.
23. Paris Hilton should be locked in a room full of mirrors, we'd be rid of her and she'd be in vanity heaven.
24. That when I go out I look so good I take myself home.
25. This list maxed out at number 12.
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1 comment:
1. Your moral compass works as if its on the island in Lost.
11. Greatest American Hero anyone? I love how those old shows have like 6 minute intros with full chart-topping hits with random scenes just playing in the background.
12. No it's not, but even Carrot Top gets laid somehow...maybe.
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