It's really hard to find a veteran mentor when you are a suicide bomber.

You are what you eat if you're a cannibal

The lobster tank at a seafood restaurant is an aquatic death row.

I went over to Scruff McGruffs for lunch, but all he had to eat was crime.

We are all racist when it comes to laundry.

I am crumbling under the pressure of being the only person who can prevent forest fires.

If we weren't supposed to eat cows they'd be harder to kill, They'd have lazer beams, and i'd be like sorry Mr. Cow I'll go eat so defenseless lettuce

Lots of people say they can get away with murder, OJ went out and did it.

I used to be a midget, but i grew out of it.

there's a lot of pressure when you're a magician. I mean one bad day at the office and you go from the guy who can saw a woman in half, to murderer.

things are always looking up if you're short

midgets are appetizers for vampires

when work screws you over, is that prostitiution?

I'm pretty sure that whole oil spill could be soaked up by one shamwow.

my mom used to tell me i could do anything. turns out i can't whistle. thanks for lying to me mom.

it's not just transformers, everybody is more than meets the eye, well unless you are naked.

I bet "The Golden Girls" would be a lot racier if it were on the air today, what with Viagra and all.

Futon's have an identity crisis. Are you a couch, or a bed? Make up your mind I will love you either way.

A segway is the in between stage from walking to rascaling.

thinks it's funny that the neverending story has a sequel. how can there be a second of something that never ends?

I bet most of the muggings that occur in the game of Monopoly, happen right after people pass GO.

the coolest guy ever, is the guy who invented air conditioning.

we need a new term for messing stuff up. I vote for BP. An example. "How'd you do in your meeting" "It was rough, I totally BP'd it. Ex 2 "How'd your

the thought is what counts when you're psychic