I’ve single handedly disproved evolution

If evolution were true…

All squirrels would be flying squirrels

3-toed sloths would have 5 toes by now

We would have breed out the short bus people

Nature would have selected Dr. Phil for extinction

And my left hand would be a can opener.

Since none of these things have happened, the only logical conclusion is Darwin was an idiot. Sorry Charles but the gauntlet has been thrown down I anxiously await your reply.

Things that are between 10 and 200 times funnier when said by Arnold Schwarzenegger

Tumor

California

Cardiac Arrest

Molester

Maria Shriver

Every line he has in Twins. Seriously his accent made that movie.

Gargantuan

Gum disease Gingivitis

Peanut Butter

Mini Me has a Sex Tape

It's Mini Me and a Full sized girl. Forget for a moment that it's a logistical nightmare, and let's focus on the girl. Every celeb has a sex tape, it's a right of passage, so I excuse Mini Me for videotaping his fornicating. I mean unless Mike Meyers makes another movie, and I'm not sure he should be allowed to after The Love Guru, Mini might never work again, so do what and who you have to in order to make a living. But this girl! In all the other celeb sex tapes the celebs are hot! I mean what red-blooded American would say no Pam and Paris I refuse to do you with the red light on. But he's freaking mini me. How desperate for attention and 5 seconds of fame are you? Was she molested by a host of Leprechauns as a child? I can't fathom it, he's not famous enough to get you tons of attention, fame and money, you aren't the next Lewinski, but in fairness who could be. Anyways I just saw another sign of the apocalypse so I thought I'd share it with you kids.

For you brave kids, or those of you who want to watch a preview of it through your fingers.
http://www.tmz.com/2008/06/25/mini-me-sex-tape-avert-your-eyes/

The greatest character John Hughes ever penned is……..Buck Russell

Sure the Breakfast Club was great, and the hot chick from Weird Science is still in my fantasy file but nobody had the common man appeal of Buck Russell, or Uncle Buck as he is known to his relatives. Whether he is making oversized pancakes, or fending off the advances of the Horny Housewife next door, Buck Russell uses his everyman appeal to make you at once laugh, and be thankful that you aren’t stuck in his care. Hughes was a talented man even if he’s fallen off of late, I mean did you know there was a direct to TV Home Alone 4 that he penned? Many of Hughes’s characters are iconic so I welcome any and all debate on the matter. I will say this Ferris Bueller was meant to be my choice, he’s the reason for this post, but given the choice between world weary Uncle Buck, or a senior in high school who sings Danka Schein and refers to cars as Cia Bello, well I’ll take the middle aged fuck up.

I wish I had come up with these