The Internet is full of Debilitating Distractions Thank you Al Gore

Here's my latest addiction

http://www.evinrudefishinggame.com/

Mondays are the Universes way of punishing us for enjoy weekends

Either that or they just suck

Music Hierarchy

Jessica Simpson recently abandoned even pretending she was a pop singer, and has now declared herself a country singer. While it's a given that her new target audience has an IQ closer to hers, it got me questioning where else you see this move in Entertainment. To me I feel like it's when a movie actor realizes they aren't popular enough for movies anymore, but can be the star of their own show on network TV (Yes James Woods I am calling out your wrinkly ass). So in a couple of years when she has a CD released exclusively in GAP, we'll all know that's the equivalent of her Skinamax debut. And if you're reading this and thinking this whole post was a thinly veiled excuse to look at pictures of Jessica Simpson all i can say is I am a boob man. Tony Romo you're one lucky sumofabitch.

Questions that keep me up nights

1. If Lois Lane is suppose to be an award winning journalist, why can't she tell Superman is Clark Kent?

2. Is James Bond really the best spy in the world, if every villain he has ever faced has managed to capture him?

3. If an atheist says God Damn it, is it against their religion too?

4. How does Brendan Fraser keep getting work?

5. How much could a beer chugger chug if a beer chugger could chug beer?

6. Are women lying when they say a sense of humor is a turn on, or am I not funny?

I'll save y'all the suspense we are in a recession

The prostitute outside of my 711 told me so. She apparently has had to lower her prices. I gave her a slimjim, and no that's not a euphemism.

Hey World Try this

Copy this link http://www.jupitercolour.co.uk/dvdf/throwpaper.swf

And try and top the score. Cooper is currently the paper God with the score below, consider the gauntlet thrown.

The greatest song in the history of songs

See more Dr. Ken videos at Funny or Die

Do you ever feel like you spend all your time trying to get your life to a reasonable volume?

In Honor of the All Star Game here's something Beatty once cooked up

If i could only hit one person in the face it would be...

Ok I was going to go on a nice little diatribe about how painful Andy Dicks every appearance on my TV was, but really that pic says it all.

Really AROD Really?

You cheated on your wife with Madonna? You're AROD you make more money than all of the little countries that broke off from Mother Russia combined. Plus you play pro baseball, you could have literally any young hot money grubber you want, and in NY there are one or 8 million of those running around. But instead you decided to go a completely different route, instead of young and hot you went old and creepy. If this were 1980 I'd so get it, but it's almost 30 years later, and trust me she's not like a virgin anymore. So I hope you had fun going where tons of men had gone before, I'm sure it was worth the millions your wife will get in the divorce.

I'm not the funniest person I know

Prove me right by writing a better caption for this photo than this:

"Man, fuck the power of Grayskull"

Excuse me sir would you mind moving your crotch from my face?

I think we’ve all been there, you’re on the bus or the subway and it’s packed but you’re lucky enough to snag a seat, and your extra lucky in that you aren’t bothered with trifles like morals, so you’re cool with the preggers woman standing the whole trip. But then with out fail it starts to get packed and some dude decides to stand right in front of you placing his crotchal region millimeters away from your face. WTF? Seriously, seriously? You thought hey I could stand so that I’m not straddling this dude, but I’d much rather give this guy an eye full of nut? And this isn’t a homophobia thing, I don’t want that many vaginas dangling in the wind that close to my face on the bus either. I just can’t fathom it, turn 90 degrees in either direction you are just as strapped in, and I don’t have to worry that I’m a pothole away from being T bagged. If you read this and you are a subway straddler just stop, it's not appetizing for anyone.