It's really hard to find a veteran mentor when you are a suicide bomber.

You are what you eat if you're a cannibal

The lobster tank at a seafood restaurant is an aquatic death row.

I went over to Scruff McGruffs for lunch, but all he had to eat was crime.

We are all racist when it comes to laundry.

I am crumbling under the pressure of being the only person who can prevent forest fires.

If we weren't supposed to eat cows they'd be harder to kill, They'd have lazer beams, and i'd be like sorry Mr. Cow I'll go eat so defenseless lettuce

Lots of people say they can get away with murder, OJ went out and did it.

I used to be a midget, but i grew out of it.

there's a lot of pressure when you're a magician. I mean one bad day at the office and you go from the guy who can saw a woman in half, to murderer.

things are always looking up if you're short

midgets are appetizers for vampires

when work screws you over, is that prostitiution?

I'm pretty sure that whole oil spill could be soaked up by one shamwow.

my mom used to tell me i could do anything. turns out i can't whistle. thanks for lying to me mom.

it's not just transformers, everybody is more than meets the eye, well unless you are naked.

I bet "The Golden Girls" would be a lot racier if it were on the air today, what with Viagra and all.

Futon's have an identity crisis. Are you a couch, or a bed? Make up your mind I will love you either way.

A segway is the in between stage from walking to rascaling.

thinks it's funny that the neverending story has a sequel. how can there be a second of something that never ends?

I bet most of the muggings that occur in the game of Monopoly, happen right after people pass GO.

the coolest guy ever, is the guy who invented air conditioning.

we need a new term for messing stuff up. I vote for BP. An example. "How'd you do in your meeting" "It was rough, I totally BP'd it. Ex 2 "How'd your

the thought is what counts when you're psychic

If you have allergies, it means Mother Nature doesn't want to play with you.

Just ate a burger so good, I'm pretty sure even the heart attack will be delicious

magicians are just flamboyant liars.

I've seen through the Bullshit, Beer doesn't give you hangover, stopping drinking it does.

I am a wealth of knowledge, unfortunately the knowledge is of no wealth.

Is pretty sure we all eat a Resse's the same way, with our mouths.

eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich is like eating your childhood.

Sorry President Bush, but some kids did get left behind, and they became cashiers.

Even Crack thinks Cheez-its are addicting.

the reason Tyrannosaurus Rex's were so angry and ate people all the time, was because with those tiny arms, they never got a hug.

Getting mugged is the grown up version of getting your lunch money taken.

Sometimes when you are in a long dry spell, you may think you're open for business, but your crotch has a sign that says sorry we're closed.

Just watched the classic commercial, and is it just me or does your brain look tastier on drugs?

Free booze is a misnomer. I always end up paying for it with a hangover.

Is it wrong to eat a salad on earth day?

I am many things to many people, it sort of comes with having multiple personalities

If evolution is correct, my hand should be slowly turning into a bottle opener.

Doesn't need a gun to blow your mind.

How do you become a daredevil? We'll i have no employable skills, but i'm not afraid to die, i'm going to go jumps shit for a living.

you can keep your opposable thumbs, I say what seperates us from the animals is the ability to tell that beggin strips aren't bacon.

You kids are arrogant. Think of all the places a monster could live, and yet you think he's under your bed.

Never eat stuffing at a Taxidermists house.

Don't let the name fool you, food stamps aren't edible.

If i was the big bad wolf i'd have been less concerned about blowing their house down, and concentrated more on making bacon.

Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves and he's on the penny, Ben Franklin got hit by lighting and he's on the 100 bill, how is that fair?

The Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, stop making that face or it will freeze that way. Parents are liars.

If you vomit when you drink too much, that's like bulimia with liquor.

Shots are the steroids of drinking.

When girls do it it's called a walk of shame when guys do it i think it's more of a strut.

You could be a mini youtube sensation by making Trailers for porn. "In a world full of poor plumbing, only he has a plunger big enough"

Bets it's super hard to figure out if someone Overdosed on Sleeping Pills, or if they are just sleeping really soundly.

what do you do when you're nervous

so i was giving a speech the other day and my friend gave me the age old advice to picture them all rocking their birthday suits if i was nervous. Really? That's suppose to put my fears at ease. 50 people in the buff is suppsoe to make me feel calm. I mean who feels comfortable in a room full of naked people? If i was surrounded by dangling body parts all i'd be thinking is why aren't I showing my tidbits. Whoever came up with that anxiety cure-all must have been a nudist, cause any non-nudist wouldn't be able to say anything when they were eye to eye with that much pubic hair. although i do wonder if you're giving a speech at a nudist colony and you're nervous, do you picture them all clothed? Seriously that question is going to keep me up nights.

When life gives you lemons......

Life has never given me anything. If i wanted lemons i've always had to buy them from the store like a normal person. Is there some underground place where Life is giving stuff away for free, is this the same place where people get free government cheese? Have I been paying for lemons my whole life for no reason, how do i get in on this life lemon bounty. But honestly I'm not a big lemon guy, i mean outside of lemonade, they are just tea glass decorations right, so can Life give me something else for free, like money, or fruit roll ups? Come on Life hook a brother up.

The Drug Trade

Do you think drug dealers work the same way as other businessmen? Is there some drug dealer in town who is the best salesman out there, and all the other drug dealers want to be as good as him. Does he give seminars teaching people how to turn a casual user into a junkie? Do they talk in the same business terms as people on wall street?

Jay, full time pot dealer part time coke dealer, "Man when Edward started accepting sexual favors for drugs, it changed the entire business. Suddenly there was a whole new form of currency, profit margins dropped, but employee morale went through the roof."

If there is a Drug Dealer Convention where would it be held? Some seedy motel where they all paid by the hour, or to they just have a corner party? If it wasn't so illegal i'd start selling just to get to the bottom of all these questions.

Things that are always awesome

1. Pizza after a rough night
2. The RUFIOOOOOOOOOOOOO scene in Hook
3. Nantucket Nectars Orange Mango, it's the most refreshing thing on earth.
4. People falling down and or getting hit in the nuts.
5. Johnny Cash
6. When you reach in your wallet the next morning, and there's still money left in there.
7. Yelling at inanimate objects
8. Falling asleep to the NFL
9. Doing Nothing for a whole day, and when i say nothing i mean not even getting up to pee.
10. Naked Women
11. The theme song to the Fall Guy, heck Lee Majors in general.
12. When you first get to the casino and you can hear the poker chips before you can see the poker room.
13. Prat falls
14. Feeling more attractive than you are.
15. Dumb lucking your way through life.
16. Burritos
17. Dance offs

Things i react irrationally to

Stumping my toe
Rats
People who were wife beaters as anything other than a costume
Pterodactyls
That counting sheep leads to dreams about sheep
Jamie Kennedy
Those jerks who talk through a movie as if they know what's happening next then it never does.
Muggy weather
Skorts
Whoopi Goldberg
Bluetooth headsets, just hold the phone you lazy bastards

If Clark Kent always has on his superman outfit, doesn't that cape get stuck in his shirt, wouldn't that be crazy uncomfortable?

What I learned from the debates last night

1. That the economy, healthcare, Iraq, and Bin laden can all be taken care of by simply reaching across the isle in congress. If it's that easy we should get on that.

2. Obama has no concept of time.

3. Tom Brokaw is just like Ron Burgandy anything that's on the teleprompter Brokaw will read.

4. Still not sure if it's cause he got hit with a few shells or not, but McCain definitely walks with a limp.

5. All politicians have the ability to take any question and answer it in a way that they get to talk about exactly what they wanted to talk about before the question was asked.

6. When trailing in the poles McCain gets feisty.

7. Obama's fake laugh when McCain attacks him is his own personal form of the middle finger.

8. Neither one of these guys is going to be having the other over for dinner anytime soon.

The more the stock market drops, the happier I am that I didn't sign up for my companies 401k

Question about McCain VS Obama

I promise to not be as biased as Republicans think the real media is.

1. Is it just me or could McCain double as HeMan's arch enemy Skeletor? I mean his skin is so tight it's unnatural, i think that's the real reason he can't raise his arm, the skin would rip.

2. Would one of those silly kids out there who like to play drinking games die if they took a drink every time Obama said Uh?

3. Is the best reason to vote for the McCain Palin ticket 4 more years of Tina Fey doing Sarah Palin?

4. Is it just me or do you think if push came to shove Biden would shove hard.

5. If the Republicans win will Sarah Palin be the least historic person to ever become historic?

6. How come being liberal is worse thank kicking kittens, but being a Maverick is something to be applauded?

7. We all know what happens when you put lipstick on Palin, but what would happen if Biden put on lipstick? I'm thinking the greatest remake of Bosom buddies ever!

8. How come in politics two people can run against each other for a job, one lose the other win, then the two of them can instantly support each other when the winner offers the loser a job? If somebody offered me a lesser job right after they had just beaten me for a better job, i'd rupture their jugular.

9. If Obama has no experience in war cause he's never been in one, then does McCain have no experience with the middle class and poor people since he's never been one?

10. If things start going bad for McCain is it just me or can you see him yelling and physically attacking Obama in the final debate? That old man gets worked up, somebody should make sure he's not taking extra Viagra instead of his blood pressure meds again.

I know this was just a bunch of questions with no answers, but fret not Mrs. Palin has promised to get back to me with answers.

Last night i saw an ad that said it's product was available at CVS and other fine retailers.

Sorry i just thought that was ironic. I mean what part of CVS makes it a fine retailer. Is it the 3 for $3 cans of pringles? Or their unparalleled selections of fine beef jerkys? Perhaps it's their vast array of Tampons, or their equally impressive assortments of condoms. That's right folks in America when we think luxury we don't think Macy's Goodiva or Jaguar, no we think CVS, but not those dirty jerks over at WalGreens.

To Catch a predator

Police are cracking down on predators offering candy to kids now that school has started back. The police are setting up stings in parking lots and stuff trying to bust these perverse schmucks, but if they are in the parking lot, the battle is half lost. I mean you have to hope the kid doesn't have a sweet tooth, or the predator only has runts. I say we step up are game, I'd say crack down on any creepy vans, but i like illegal immigrants so I say we take the policing to candy stores world wide. If you own a liquor store you are held responsible if you sell to the wrong people, i think Candy Store owners should be held to these same rigorous standards. If you're selling more than 3 packs of sour patch kids to the same man in a given day, you need to be reprimanded, no grown man wants all that sour, he clearly has ulterior motives. And if anybody even tries to buy Rolos, just call the police. I'm not going crazy here, I don't think there should be a ten day waiting period for a Snickers, but maybe there should be on Zero bars. I know this could go too far and end up with the Bunny Rabbit doing time behind bars, but I think even my hoppy friend would agree that's a small price to pay for the welfare of the kids. All I'm saying is the next time I see a guy with a whole bag of dumb dumb suckers, I'm shooting first and asking questions later.

Things that make be vastly more angry than they should

Stumping my toe.

When something costs like $9.23 and i hand the cashier a ten only to find a quarter in my pocket after they've hit enter, and it takes them 2 minutes to figure out what they owe me in change. I think all the children that get left behind become cashiers.

Brain Freezes

Howie Mandel

People who stop for no apparent reason on the sidewalk. Look buddy I'm off in another world when I'm walking to work if you come to a dead stop cause your trying not to step on a crack, I will bump into you and we will both break our mammas backs.

People misquoting movies, either know the movie or shut up.

The WNBA

People who have the uncontrollable urge to correct your english anytime you say something that's not grammatically correct. Look I get it it's an impulse, but I've conquered the impulse to hit you in the face, so I need you to conquer yours.

The Fanta Commercials

People talking through movies at the movie theatre. Your voice isn't the reason people are willing to pay 8 bucks for popcorn.

The designated hitter

People who ask you a question only to Answer it themselves.
Them "hey Rusty what's your favorite color"
Me "That's a dumb question but"
Them "It's blue isn't it you wear a lot of blue I bet its blue"
Me "WRONG. It's green. Any more questions i can Trebek for you?"

The sound of a women filing her nails. I'm marrying a girl who bites her nails just so I don't have to deal with that until she divorces me.

When people who only sing and dance are called musicians.

That prepubescent girls will always get money from their parents, which means people like Zack Efron will always be famous.

AND CATS

Drug use and music

So I'm sitting in my office listening to some undeniably awesome bands, The Doors, The Who, The Rolling Stones, and even some that don't start with The. As I was listening i could't help but wonder what has happened to music? How did we go from Jimi Hendrix to the Jonas Brothers? How come the new girl singers are less concerned with sounding like janis joplin, than matching Britney in pantyless pics. I mean have we as a society really decided that we enjoy the vocal styling of James Blunt? How does music even go from the badassness of CCR to the wuss fest that is Matchbox 20?

Well after careful consideration I've come to one conclusion. Drugs. Drugs drugs and more drugs. The old guys did them, heck Keith Richards is only alive cause he has too much cocaine in his system for his heart to stop. The new singers, not as much. I mean it was an understood fact that Jim Morrison was going to be high drunk or something even cooler when he was on stage, the lead singer of the PussyCat Dolls, not so much. Now I'm not condoning drug use, i myself am not a partaker, all I'm saying is if you are going to have a drug problem, pick up a guitar. Kurt Cobain was nice enough to do that and I think that worked out for all of us.

That's why the only good music out today is Rap music. Those guys have the market cornered on weed, and thus the market cornered on good music. I think a non high Kanye West is Carlton from the Fresh Prince. Why do you think Snoop Dogg starts smoking again every time he hits the studio?

If you're slow to see the truth here I offer one undeniable example as proof. Ladies and Gentleman Aerosmith! Aerosmith use to melt faces, Steven Tyler use to work the stage like he was doing warm ups for the orgy that awaited him backstage. Then they came out and said we're off drugs we've cleaned up as a group. And then they released that song from armageddon, and then that pink song. Ladies in gentleman I rest my case.

Tray tables not in their full and upright posistions, kill millions

So i was recently on a plane and the woman FREAKED out that my tray table was still down, those attendants are like tray Nazis and i don't get it. Are we unable to make planes that can take off and land with tray tables down, is their a team of engineers working around the clock at Boeing right now trying to solve the problem? Has their ever been a plane crash and they checked the black box and the pilot was like "Oh God the guy in 14 D left his tray table down i can't control the plane we're all gonna die" I mean on a yearly basis how many planes are grounded due to faulty tray tables. I guess this was a long way of telling flight attendants everywhere the next time I'm rocking a mini coma on your plane, don't wake me up, just put my tray table up!

Today Metallica and New Kids on the Block both released new music videos. Which springs one question to mind REALLY?

What's next are we bringing back slap bracelets and hyper color shirts? Seriously give it up! Does anybody even listen to heavy metal anymore, and sorry New Kids but the name is ironic now, and it's a little creepy that your main audience is still 12 year old girls. Honestly I'm just mad MTV didn't bring back Downtown Julie Brown to introduce the new videos.

Things that I honestly believe

1. Other than my father the Reverend, I think I got my moral compass from the end of episodes of GI Joe.

2. A tattoo on the base of your back is a call for help, most likely to be answered by horny dudes.

3. Occasionally gravity takes a few plays off.

4. If you're really really smart, you should make it a point to do something really really stupid.

5. Even the dali lama hates Kathy Griffin

6. Magic Johnson beat AIDS

7. When you make chicken as finger licking good as KFC I honestly don't care what you do to the chickens.

8. It should take you no more than 64 licks to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie roll tootsie pop.

9. None of you have the patience to test that last one, you'll bite in by lick 37.

10. Who cares blow pops are better.

11. The "Fall Guy" had the greatest theme song ever, God bless you Lee Majors.

12. A sense of humor is NOT the biggest turn on for women.

13. When a girl gives me the middle finger, she's trying to pick me up

14. Bachelor Parties should be held in Vegas.

15. There's no time like the present, to procrastinate.

16. 14 year olds shouldn't dress like whores, it gets peoples hopes up.

17. That last one was true, but it made me sound like a creep.

18. Eating an apple a day has absolutely no barring on whether or not you'll go see a doctor.

19. We look forward to fridays with the same intensity as we looked forward to christmas when we were little.

20. God was just screwing around when he made the platypus.

21. He was just showing off when he made Jessica Alba.

22. She would totally date me if I looked totally different.

23. Paris Hilton should be locked in a room full of mirrors, we'd be rid of her and she'd be in vanity heaven.

24. That when I go out I look so good I take myself home.

25. This list maxed out at number 12.

2012 London Me vs The World

I admit it, i caught it, I've got the olympic fever and it won't be sated by the closing ceremonies or by watching the luge in two years. No this is something i have to do it burns inside me like a flaming golden hawk. So after careful consideration and immense research into finding out what sport an out of shape 27 year old could pick up and reasonably expect to win gold, just 4 years from now, i've decided to be an Olympic walker. It's alright to laugh, we olympic walkers are use to it. But I'm going to channel all your contempt and your accusations that putting one foot in front of the other isn't a sport and use it to push me harder and faster, but not into a run. This isn't like when i wanted to be our nations forest fire representative but bailed out as soon as i realized Smokey wasn't going down with out a fight. No, i am fully committed to this. I've hired Jasper Jenkins, the name of names amongst walkers the world over, to train me this guys been walking since before he could crawl. I got a key to the local mall so i can walk whenever i want to so my training will never be interrupted. I know a lot of you walk to work, and your probably thinking i walk 20 minutes everyday how hard can this be, well you'd be wrong. While you are mindlessly putting one foot in front of the other I'm already thinking six steps ahead, making sure each step gets me one step closer to my destination, careful to never waste a step. I've got a camel pack full of water, a fanny pack full of protein bars, all that's left is for me to walk hard. See you guys in London I'll be the guy with a gold medal on my neck.

Hey Michael Phelps it was fun while it lasted, but now I don't want to hear from you for about four years

This man literally wrote the book

A fantastic insight into the mind of men

I'm much more concerned about whether the 3rd girl from the left is an alien than if she is old enough to compete

In her defense Alien Head is out of this world on the Uneven Bars

Look at this Dinosaur Cow

I think it drools Milk

How can you tell the trash girls, from the prostitutes?

Today on the bus 3 different young ladies were headed to work, but I couldn’t tell if work was in the corner office or the corner of the street. One girl had on a skirt that was more or less glued on her lovely lady humps, when she stood up I learned that she had decided match the color of her underwear to her shirt today. The next girl looked like she’d spent all morning getting ready to go to the club, the strip club, I mean all she was missing was the body glitter. It’s 8:30 a.m. I’m pretty sure the perfume bath and the push up bra weren’t necessary. And the final girl was showing you every inch of her milk makers except her nipple placement. Now don’t get me wrong as a 100% red blooded American I do not mind seeing some scantly clad ladies provided they can pull it off, but I’m just trying to wrap my head around the fact that if this attire is acceptable in corporate America, what’s the rest of the world doing? Are the Hooters girls wearing nipple pasties, are strippers only stripping out of their dignity? All I know is I see the trend, so tomorrow I’m coming to work with no pants on.

The Internet is full of Debilitating Distractions Thank you Al Gore

Here's my latest addiction

http://www.evinrudefishinggame.com/

Mondays are the Universes way of punishing us for enjoy weekends

Either that or they just suck

Music Hierarchy

Jessica Simpson recently abandoned even pretending she was a pop singer, and has now declared herself a country singer. While it's a given that her new target audience has an IQ closer to hers, it got me questioning where else you see this move in Entertainment. To me I feel like it's when a movie actor realizes they aren't popular enough for movies anymore, but can be the star of their own show on network TV (Yes James Woods I am calling out your wrinkly ass). So in a couple of years when she has a CD released exclusively in GAP, we'll all know that's the equivalent of her Skinamax debut. And if you're reading this and thinking this whole post was a thinly veiled excuse to look at pictures of Jessica Simpson all i can say is I am a boob man. Tony Romo you're one lucky sumofabitch.

Questions that keep me up nights

1. If Lois Lane is suppose to be an award winning journalist, why can't she tell Superman is Clark Kent?

2. Is James Bond really the best spy in the world, if every villain he has ever faced has managed to capture him?

3. If an atheist says God Damn it, is it against their religion too?

4. How does Brendan Fraser keep getting work?

5. How much could a beer chugger chug if a beer chugger could chug beer?

6. Are women lying when they say a sense of humor is a turn on, or am I not funny?

I'll save y'all the suspense we are in a recession

The prostitute outside of my 711 told me so. She apparently has had to lower her prices. I gave her a slimjim, and no that's not a euphemism.

Hey World Try this

Copy this link http://www.jupitercolour.co.uk/dvdf/throwpaper.swf

And try and top the score. Cooper is currently the paper God with the score below, consider the gauntlet thrown.

The greatest song in the history of songs

See more Dr. Ken videos at Funny or Die

Do you ever feel like you spend all your time trying to get your life to a reasonable volume?

In Honor of the All Star Game here's something Beatty once cooked up

If i could only hit one person in the face it would be...

Ok I was going to go on a nice little diatribe about how painful Andy Dicks every appearance on my TV was, but really that pic says it all.

Really AROD Really?

You cheated on your wife with Madonna? You're AROD you make more money than all of the little countries that broke off from Mother Russia combined. Plus you play pro baseball, you could have literally any young hot money grubber you want, and in NY there are one or 8 million of those running around. But instead you decided to go a completely different route, instead of young and hot you went old and creepy. If this were 1980 I'd so get it, but it's almost 30 years later, and trust me she's not like a virgin anymore. So I hope you had fun going where tons of men had gone before, I'm sure it was worth the millions your wife will get in the divorce.

I'm not the funniest person I know

Prove me right by writing a better caption for this photo than this:

"Man, fuck the power of Grayskull"

Excuse me sir would you mind moving your crotch from my face?

I think we’ve all been there, you’re on the bus or the subway and it’s packed but you’re lucky enough to snag a seat, and your extra lucky in that you aren’t bothered with trifles like morals, so you’re cool with the preggers woman standing the whole trip. But then with out fail it starts to get packed and some dude decides to stand right in front of you placing his crotchal region millimeters away from your face. WTF? Seriously, seriously? You thought hey I could stand so that I’m not straddling this dude, but I’d much rather give this guy an eye full of nut? And this isn’t a homophobia thing, I don’t want that many vaginas dangling in the wind that close to my face on the bus either. I just can’t fathom it, turn 90 degrees in either direction you are just as strapped in, and I don’t have to worry that I’m a pothole away from being T bagged. If you read this and you are a subway straddler just stop, it's not appetizing for anyone.

I’ve single handedly disproved evolution

If evolution were true…

All squirrels would be flying squirrels

3-toed sloths would have 5 toes by now

We would have breed out the short bus people

Nature would have selected Dr. Phil for extinction

And my left hand would be a can opener.

Since none of these things have happened, the only logical conclusion is Darwin was an idiot. Sorry Charles but the gauntlet has been thrown down I anxiously await your reply.

Things that are between 10 and 200 times funnier when said by Arnold Schwarzenegger

Tumor

California

Cardiac Arrest

Molester

Maria Shriver

Every line he has in Twins. Seriously his accent made that movie.

Gargantuan

Gum disease Gingivitis

Peanut Butter

Mini Me has a Sex Tape

It's Mini Me and a Full sized girl. Forget for a moment that it's a logistical nightmare, and let's focus on the girl. Every celeb has a sex tape, it's a right of passage, so I excuse Mini Me for videotaping his fornicating. I mean unless Mike Meyers makes another movie, and I'm not sure he should be allowed to after The Love Guru, Mini might never work again, so do what and who you have to in order to make a living. But this girl! In all the other celeb sex tapes the celebs are hot! I mean what red-blooded American would say no Pam and Paris I refuse to do you with the red light on. But he's freaking mini me. How desperate for attention and 5 seconds of fame are you? Was she molested by a host of Leprechauns as a child? I can't fathom it, he's not famous enough to get you tons of attention, fame and money, you aren't the next Lewinski, but in fairness who could be. Anyways I just saw another sign of the apocalypse so I thought I'd share it with you kids.

For you brave kids, or those of you who want to watch a preview of it through your fingers.
http://www.tmz.com/2008/06/25/mini-me-sex-tape-avert-your-eyes/

The greatest character John Hughes ever penned is……..Buck Russell

Sure the Breakfast Club was great, and the hot chick from Weird Science is still in my fantasy file but nobody had the common man appeal of Buck Russell, or Uncle Buck as he is known to his relatives. Whether he is making oversized pancakes, or fending off the advances of the Horny Housewife next door, Buck Russell uses his everyman appeal to make you at once laugh, and be thankful that you aren’t stuck in his care. Hughes was a talented man even if he’s fallen off of late, I mean did you know there was a direct to TV Home Alone 4 that he penned? Many of Hughes’s characters are iconic so I welcome any and all debate on the matter. I will say this Ferris Bueller was meant to be my choice, he’s the reason for this post, but given the choice between world weary Uncle Buck, or a senior in high school who sings Danka Schein and refers to cars as Cia Bello, well I’ll take the middle aged fuck up.

I wish I had come up with these