what do you do when you're nervous

so i was giving a speech the other day and my friend gave me the age old advice to picture them all rocking their birthday suits if i was nervous. Really? That's suppose to put my fears at ease. 50 people in the buff is suppsoe to make me feel calm. I mean who feels comfortable in a room full of naked people? If i was surrounded by dangling body parts all i'd be thinking is why aren't I showing my tidbits. Whoever came up with that anxiety cure-all must have been a nudist, cause any non-nudist wouldn't be able to say anything when they were eye to eye with that much pubic hair. although i do wonder if you're giving a speech at a nudist colony and you're nervous, do you picture them all clothed? Seriously that question is going to keep me up nights.

When life gives you lemons......

Life has never given me anything. If i wanted lemons i've always had to buy them from the store like a normal person. Is there some underground place where Life is giving stuff away for free, is this the same place where people get free government cheese? Have I been paying for lemons my whole life for no reason, how do i get in on this life lemon bounty. But honestly I'm not a big lemon guy, i mean outside of lemonade, they are just tea glass decorations right, so can Life give me something else for free, like money, or fruit roll ups? Come on Life hook a brother up.

The Drug Trade

Do you think drug dealers work the same way as other businessmen? Is there some drug dealer in town who is the best salesman out there, and all the other drug dealers want to be as good as him. Does he give seminars teaching people how to turn a casual user into a junkie? Do they talk in the same business terms as people on wall street?

Jay, full time pot dealer part time coke dealer, "Man when Edward started accepting sexual favors for drugs, it changed the entire business. Suddenly there was a whole new form of currency, profit margins dropped, but employee morale went through the roof."

If there is a Drug Dealer Convention where would it be held? Some seedy motel where they all paid by the hour, or to they just have a corner party? If it wasn't so illegal i'd start selling just to get to the bottom of all these questions.